A Determined Bride (Original)

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There once was a young woman who wanted to Kelly wanted to get married. The thought always made her smile and glow. She had always imagined having a fairytale princess wedding ever since she was a young girl.

            “Why do you want to get married?” her boyfriend asked. We have already been together for four years. There is no point in having a piece of paper tell us were married. We already practically are.”

            She continued to pursue her dream of getting married. She began leaving bridal magazines around the house. When her boyfriend didn’t say anything she than <wrong word and her boyfriend needs a name too< names give characters identity<  left jewelers' magazines everywhere with specific engagement rings circled. She continued to drop hints about marriage and her boyfriend continued to ignore them all.

            One day when the young woman KELLY:) was feeling down about the status of her relationship her friend Sarah invited her out to dinner. Sarah wanted to cheer her up and make the young woman feel better about the situation. Over a nice dinner they talked about the young woman’s boyfriend and about the wedding.

            “Just because he doesn’t want to get married doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you,” Sarah said reassuringly. “You know he loves you right?”

            The young woman just looked down at her plate of food. She began to poke at it. She didn’t respond back to Sarah.

            “Well I am sorry sweetie,” Sarah said kindly. “I know you guys have been together for so long. I don’t know. Maybe he is just scared to take that next step. Maybe he just needs a little assistance”.< place . inside qmarks<

            The young woman quickly looked up curiously at Sarah.

            “Well I brought with me this these capsules that will be able to help you. All you have to do is break them open and empty them into his morning coffee. But only one capsule every morning for five days. Here you go just make sure it is what you really want.”   <That's how my wife got me to propose:)

            For the next week the young woman followed Sarah's <who is Sarah?  what does she look like?  dev. her character instructions specifically. She also continued to leave around the wedding and jewelry magazines. The young woman began to feel helpless when she didn’t notice any change or response in her boyfriend. Then one day when she got home from work.<fragment Her boyfriend had a romantic dinner set up for the two of them. After a nice dinner he got down on one knee, pulled out a ring, and proposed to her. “I love you so much and want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?”

            The following summer the young woman and her fiance had a very intimate wedding on a beach. It was the princess wedding she had always dreamed of. She was so excited that everything was  perfect. After the wedding she was talking to Sarah and thanked her for all the help. She than went on to tell Sarah that next she wanted a baby.<funny ending, but the story's conflict ends w' "Will you marry me?" so that's where your story should end too<continuing after the action is resolved is like begining a new story<

Kiara, Your character (give her a name),who triumphs over an obstacle by means of a magical or supernatural element, is clearly on a quest for something important and specific. Again, review my comments for direction, and once we get to the revision section, you’ll have a few different opportunities to re-see this piece.  --Gary