Thursday, December 16, 2010

My Final Letter

     English has been my favorite subject ever since I was in middle school. I love to read and write. While attending MCC I have had the opportunity to take different English courses. I have taken Composition 101, Advanced Composition, Children's Literature,  and now Creative Writing. While taking my other English classes I learned how to write research papers, persuasive papers, critiques, etc. All my writing was formal and very restricted. I was told what to write and how to write it. There was really no creativity required.
I signed up for this course because I needed another English credit and because I wanted something different. I wanted to take an English course that would be fun and allow me to write without so many restrictions. I read in the syllabus that we would be doing short fiction and poetry. That was the exact change I needed in writing. When I began taking this course I really struggled with letting my writing flow. It was a challenge for me to be creative and to write something that didn't involve research first. I had to be creative in order to come up with characters, scenes, and dialogues for my short stories and poetry. My writing skills and creativity has definitely improved during this semester. I can honestly say that when we did our first journal assignment in Module one, which looking back now was rather easy, I was still stuck. The easier the assignments were the harder it was for me to grasp because I kept complicating things way to much. However, once I got started I notice an improvement in my writing and my confidence about my writing.
With each short story writing assignment I was able to better create what I wanted to write. With each assignment it took a shorter amount of time to begin to come up with ideas on what to write about. I would say with the fiction stories what improved the most was my ability to actually create a story and have it flow along smoothly. I was able to create characters and dialogue for them. I enjoyed writing the short stories and thought it to be rather fun when trying to come up with characters and the different plots.
Now poetry was a bit different. I love to read poetry but I admit that when it comes to writing it I have a fear of being harshly judged. When writing poetry I realized that the best poems are the ones that come within. I knew that if I was able to just let myself go and open up that I would be able to create a better poem. Once I was able to open up my next step was to learn how to structure my poem. I would capitalize every first letter and not put periods where they needed to be. By the end of the poetry modules I knew how to structure my poem, that only the first letter of the sentence should be capitalized, and that the period she be only at the end of that specific sentence.
I have enjoyed taking this course and having the opportunity to be creative. I have learned different writing techniques from this class that I know I would not have been able to learn from my other writing classes. I have learned that it is okay to take risks when writing and to open up. When you write about something close to you the writing has more passion and meaning behind it. I learned how to receive a simple instruction and to take it to different lengths. I was able to be creative and think differently. I had fun taking this class, challenging myself, and trying new writing styles.


A Determined Bride (Revision)


    Kelly wanted to get married. The thought always made her smile and glow. She always imagined having a fairytale princess wedding ever since she was a young girl.
  “Why do you want to get married?” Her boyfriend, Tom asked. “We have already been together for four years. There is no point in having a piece of paper tell us were married. We already practically are.
   Kelly just ignored her boyfriend's comments and continued to pursue her dream of one day being a bride. She began leaving bridal magazines around the house. When Tom didnt acknowledge the magazines Kelly began leaving jewelers' magazines everywhere with specific engagement rings circled or highlighted. She was determined that Tom would get the hint. However, even with Kelly continusely leaving hints and clues around the house Tom continued to ignore them all.
   One day Kelly was feeling depressed about the status of her relationship and lack of commitment from Tom. She decided to call her bestfriend Sarah to see if she wanted to go get dinner and talk. Kelly and Sarah had been friends for many years. People always mistaken them for sisters. They were both tall, thin, with blond hair and blue eyes. Sarah already had been married for two years so Kelly always ran to her with relationship problems and questions. Over a nice dinner they talked about the Tom and about the wedding.
   “Just because he doesnt want to get married doesnt mean that he doesnt love you,Sarah said reassuringly. You know he loves you right?
   Kelly just looked down realizing that she just didnt know anymore. She knew Tom cared about her. She just wasnt sure if he loved her as much as she loved him.
   “Well I am sorry sweetie,Sarah said kindly. I know you guys have been together for so long. I dont know. Maybe he is just scared to take that next step. Maybe he just needs a little assistance.”
   Kelly quickly looked up at Sarah hoping she was going to give her some winning advice.
  “Well look I brought with me these capsules that will be able to help you. All you have to do is break them open and empty them into his morning coffee. But only one capsule every morning for five days. Just make sure it is what you really want because there is no turning back once he drinks the coffee.
   For the next five days Kelly did exactly what Sarah instructed her to do. She also continued to leave around the wedding and jewelry magazines. After the first few days Kelly began to feel hopeless when she didn't notice any change in Tom. Finally, a few days after Sarah had made Tom his fifth cup of cofee is when she began to notice any change. Tom became surprisingly affectionate and even prepared a romantic dinner for the two of them. After a nice dinner he got down on one knee, pulled out a ring, and proposed to her. I love you so much and want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?



A Determined Bride (Original)

title?
There once was a young woman who wanted to Kelly wanted to get married. The thought always made her smile and glow. She had always imagined having a fairytale princess wedding ever since she was a young girl.
            Why do you want to get married? her boyfriend asked. We have already been together for four years. There is no point in having a piece of paper tell us were married. We already practically are.
            She continued to pursue her dream of getting married. She began leaving bridal magazines around the house. When her boyfriend didnt say anything she than <wrong word and her boyfriend needs a name too< names give characters identity<  left jewelers' magazines everywhere with specific engagement rings circled. She continued to drop hints about marriage and her boyfriend continued to ignore them all.
            One day when the young woman KELLY:) was feeling down about the status of her relationship her friend Sarah invited her out to dinner. Sarah wanted to cheer her up and make the young woman feel better about the situation. Over a nice dinner they talked about the young womans boyfriend and about the wedding.
            Just because he doesnt want to get married doesnt mean that he doesnt love you, Sarah said reassuringly. You know he loves you right?
            The young woman just looked down at her plate of food. She began to poke at it. She didnt respond back to Sarah.
            Well I am sorry sweetie, Sarah said kindly. I know you guys have been together for so long. I dont know. Maybe he is just scared to take that next step. Maybe he just needs a little assistance.< place . inside qmarks<
            The young woman quickly looked up curiously at Sarah.
            Well I brought with me this these capsules that will be able to help you. All you have to do is break them open and empty them into his morning coffee. But only one capsule every morning for five days. Here you go just make sure it is what you really want.   <That's how my wife got me to propose:)
            For the next week the young woman followed Sarah's <who is Sarah?  what does she look like?  dev. her character instructions specifically. She also continued to leave around the wedding and jewelry magazines. The young woman began to feel helpless when she didnt notice any change or response in her boyfriend. Then one day when she got home from work.<fragment Her boyfriend had a romantic dinner set up for the two of them. After a nice dinner he got down on one knee, pulled out a ring, and proposed to her. I love you so much and want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?
            The following summer the young woman and her fiance had a very intimate wedding on a beach. It was the princess wedding she had always dreamed of. She was so excited that everything was  perfect. After the wedding she was talking to Sarah and thanked her for all the help. She than went on to tell Sarah that next she wanted a baby.<funny ending, but the story's conflict ends w' "Will you marry me?" so that's where your story should end too<continuing after the action is resolved is like begining a new story<

Kiara, Your character (give her a name),who triumphs over an obstacle by means of a magical or supernatural element, is clearly on a quest for something important and specific. Again, review my comments for direction, and once we get to the revision section, you’ll have a few different opportunities to re-see this piece.  --Gary

Family Portrait (Revision)


We smile picture perfect smiles.
We all have matching outfits, ironed and clean,
our hair brushed tightly back
with the smell of perfume and cologne filling the air.

During the holidays we always got our family picture done.
We put on our bright smiles in every picture
with all of us standing close to each other.
We hug and pose for the camera.

Those pictures hid our family secrets.
They were the cover up to all our lies.
Those smiles were deceitful,
for under those smiles my family was full of pain.

When I think of my parents I think of constant yelling and cursing.
My mothers crying enough tears to fill a pond.
Things always flying and breaking.
All the problems always seemed to lead my father to a bottle of liquor.

I remember the sound of my mother crying
as she locked herself in her room for hours.
In the middle of the night waking us three kids to runaway.
With no where to go we always ended up driving around aimlessly
eventually just returning back home by the early morning.

I remember the put downs that my father creatively came up with,
he was always good for them.
Constantly using the bottle as his solution
he was useless and hurtful as a drunk.

After one night of yelling and shouting between the two
my father drank almost an entire bottle.
Every drink he had filled him with rage
and by the end it led him to choke my mother.
I called the cops and watched him as they took him away.

Now my father is sober and refuses to touch a drink.
Him getting arrested,
losing his family,
and being embarrassed,
was it exactly what he needed.

Now a days Mother smiles just because she can.
She is happy as ever
being remarried and loved
by a good man.

Needless to say
we no longer do family portraits.


Family Portrait (Original)

We smile picture perfect smiles
With our matching outfits, ironed and clean
hair brushed tightly back
the smell of perfume and cologne filled the air. <watch the shift in verb tense

During the holidays we always got our family picture done
In every picture We put on our bright smiles [in every picture]<simple reoder this clause
with all of us standing close to each other
We hugging and posing e for the camera
in the pictures that we take were a loving happy family.

Those pictures hid our family secrets
They were the cover up to all our lies.
Those smiles were deceitful,
for under those smiles my family was full of pain.

When I think of my parents I think of constant yelling and cursing
My mother's crying enough tears to fill a pond  <fantastic image: sad but apt!!!
things always flying and breaking
all the problems always seemed to lead my father to a bottle of liquor.

I remember the sound of my mother crying
as she locked herself in her room for hours
In the middle of the night waking us three kids to runaway.
With no where to go we always ended up driving around aimlessly
eventually just returning back home by the early morning.

I remember the put downs that my father creatively came up with
he was always good for them.
Constantly using the bottle as his solution
he was useless and hurtful as a drunk. <powerful line: nicely done

After one night of yelling and shouting between the two
my father drank almost an entire bottle.
Every drink he had filled him with rage
and by the end it led him to choke my mother
I called the cops and watched him as they took him away.

Now my father is sober and refuses to touch a drink
it seemed that him getting arrested
and losing his family
Was it exactly what he needed.  

Now a days Mother smiles just because she can   <I like this line, this statement
and is Remarried and loved to a good man
she often lectures me so that I wont make the same mistakes.

We no longer do family portraits  <I believe this where where your poem wants (needs) to end<it's a very powerful ending line
We know better now than to hide behind a picture
If we smile it has to be real
not a deceiving smile full of pain and secrets.
Excellent work exploring a story in this poem, Kiara.  Review my comments for direction; plus, take note how you have lots of run-on sentences and comma splices throughout.  These sentence mechanics need to be cleaned up too.  If you want help, call me and we'll use this poem as a model: 2075264012.   Plus, I will give you full credit if you put in the extra time and effort:)  --Gary

New Year, New Life (Revision)


All night counting down
having contractions in between.
Terrified, frightened, and cold
not knowing what to expect.
When I feel and hear the pop
I know my water has broken.
Panic fills my body
my heart pounding uncontrollably
for I know it is time.
No turning back now
here comes my greatest accomplishment
My baby boy.

New Year, New Life (Original)

New Year, New Life
All night counting down
Having contractions in between.  <any reason why all new lines begin w/ cap. letters?  <it doesn't have to be this way
Terrified, Frightened, and cold
Not knowing what to expect.   <1st four lines: good use of framents
When I feel and hear the pop I know my water has broken
Panic fills my body.   as I began to tremble nervously.
My heart skips a beat   <avoid cliches<cliches are not original and your poetry should always be original
For I know it is now time.
No turning back.
Here comes my greatest accomplishment
My baby boy.
What an amazing Happy New Year!!!  <your title already does a good job of informing readers it's New Years so you don't need to repeat it<

A Suicidal View





She stands on the bridge
glaring at the view.
She sees the roaring water
crashing against the rocks.
She doesn't hear the traffic
or the people calling out for her.
All the poor girl knows
is the pain she has endured.
Feeling hopeless
as if nothing else matters
She closes her eyes
and contemplates suicide.